Holidays Made Simple
Are the season's plans wearing you out? Make your children part of the solution
Originally published in Essence Magazine
BY VANESSA BUSH
No wonder the holidays compel us to act like Supermoms. There's the tree to trim, presents to purchase, elaborate dinners to cook, rooms to clean, a houseful of visiting relatives to entertain. And with the kids home from school, it can be even harder to downsize the to do list.
Girl, hang up your cape and consider your options. The truth is, it's possible and less stressful to get through the holidays without the hustle and bustle. All that's required is planning, flexibility and the willingness to take some shortcuts. To help you get started, we sought the advice of a few experts for dealing with the following situations:
SHOPPING FOR PRESENTS
STRESS BUILDERS
Carting your children from crowded store to crowded store as you search in vain for the perfect gift in the right size and color.
Hearing your little one wail every time you haven't bought her something she sees and wants and resisting the urge to go ballistic.
STRESS BUSTERS
"The holidays are about being present, not presents," says Dr. Gail Gross, an expert in family and child development in Houston, Texas. "The best gift you can give is the gift of time." Easy homemade presents, such as baked cookies or a photograph in a decorated frame, are one thoughtful way to add a personal touch to your gift giving and involve your children in the process. Or shop online and avoid the stores altogether.
But if you must venture to the local mall, Natalie Gahrmann, author of Succeeding as a Super Busy Parent (Infinity Publishing), gives these tips:
TRY ONE STOP SHOPPING
Select a venue, like Target, Wal Mart or another large department store, where you can purchase everything from clothing and CDs to books and bed linens, which should satisfy everyone on your list.
KEEP IT SHORT
Limit the length of time you spend in the stores by making a list before you leave the house and sticking to it. And instead of combing every store in the mall, narrow your search to a few well selected stops. It will minimize griping from the kids, especially if they're well fed and well rested before you go out, Gahrmann says. ]
MAKE IT A PLEASURE, NOT A CHORE
Let your child help decide what to give the folks on your list. Then he'll feel as if he's involved, not just tagging along.
SWAP SHOPPING TIME
If bringing the kids along is unmanageable, have a friend or relative watch them as you shop, then return the favor. SIMPLIFY If you can't decide what to get, give yourself permission to buy everyone gift certificates and call it a day.
COOKING THE HOLIDAY MEAL
STRESS BUILDER
Trying to make from scratch the soul food dinner of the century, complete with biscuits and desserts, while the kids vie for your attention.
STRESS BUSTERS
"Let's face it, the meal is a big deal," says Lisa Earle McLeod, author of Forget Perfect (Penguin/Putnam). "But what would happen if you didn't cook everything by yourself? Sometimes to save your sanity you have to go against the grain." Some ideas;
ASK FOR HELP
Pick one favorite family dish that your kids can help prepare. "Even a 3 year old can contribute by kneading the dough for the biscuits or stirring the batter for the coconut cake," Gahrmann says. "It may take longer and it won't be perfect, but that's okay. It will make them proud that they helped."
THINK ARTS AND CRAFTS
If, like many parents, you don't want children in the kitchen for fear of accidents or would rather handle the cooking solo, you can still get the kids involved. While you cook, have your child create special place mats, place cards or a decorative centerpiece for the holiday table.
CLEANING THE HOUSE BEFORE VISITORS ARRIVE
STRESS BUILDERS
Constantly reminding your kids to pick up after themselves to minimize the clutter-and having them ignore you.
Cleaning every room from top to bottom only to find they're messy again right before company comes.
STRESS BUSTERS
The easiest thing would be to hire someone to clean for you, says Barbara Hemphill, coauthor of Love It or Lose It.. Living Clutter-Free Forever (BCI Press). You can hire a cleaning lady for as little as $8 an hour. But if that's not in the budget, Hemphill encourages parents to get the kids to help. Her suggestions:
DELEGATE THE WORK
Write out different chores on index cards and assign points to them (seven points for cleaning the bathroom, for example, or one point for sweeping the hallway). Let the children choose what chores they'd like to help with. "The kids who procrastinate usually end up with the least popular chores," Hemphill says. Then let your child trade his earned points for privileges, like extra playtime.
HOSTING A HOLIDAY PARTY
STRESS BUILDERS
Having kids nipping at your heels while the adults are trying to relax. Spending more time with the children than with your adult guests because you're playing referee in the kid's corner.
STRESS BUSTERS
"The idea is to keep the kids entertained so they don't have to interrupt the adults," McLeod says. Some advice:
RECRUIT A DESIGNATED HELPER
It could be one of your older children, a favorite babysitter or, as Gahrmann suggests, "a younger aunt or uncle who would rather socialize with the kids than with the adults." Having someone you trust supervise the kids will keep them from getting out of control and give you peace.
PLAN A PARTY WITHIN A PARTY
Ask your guests to bring their children, and have something structured for them to do, like watching holiday movies while snacking on microwave popcorn. That will keep them occupied and out of sight for a while.
BOTTOM LINE
When it comes to managing holiday madness, it pays to be creative, "Ultimately you have to accept that you won't please everyone," Gross says. "So decide what the holidays mean to you-making connections, creating intimacy, counting your blessings-and make that your focus."
