Set Boundaries At The Office to Balance Work, Family
By Katrina Katsarelis for the USA TODAY Careers Network
Donna Flaherty, a divorced mother of two school age daughters starts her workday as an Electronic Commerce Data Administrator at 7:00 a.m. Flaherty's employer, a northern California products distributor, allows her to work a flexible schedule and slip out occasionally for dentist appointments, teacher conferences or recitals. Although her workday ends promptly at 4:00 p.m., her main project the company's online catalog is open for business 24 hours a day.
No cell phones, pagers or e mail devices are clipped to Flaherty's waistband as she drives home to be with her children. Flaherty has no problem asking for help from coworkers, delegating tasks to others or requesting. more resources to get her work done. By setting clear boundaries at work, she has found a way to balance her family and her career.
"A lot of us try to do everything for everyone then wonder why we're feeling overwhelmed," says Sandi Stewart Epstein, a Washington D.C. based work/life coach. "Setting up boundaries at work is a step by step process. The first step is to identify what your boundaries are."
Today, there's more overlap between our work lives and home lives than ever before. Modem technologies like cell phones, pagers, computers and e-mail make it possible for us to stay connected to our work around the clock - if we choose to be. For this reason, many working parents are finding it necessary to draw distinct boundaries between family time and work time,
Define where you draw the line
"When your boundaries are weak you attract needy or disrespectful people who require time and energy you need for your family and work," Epstein says. Maybe you're not willing to help with projects outside your department, travel more than once a quarter, or work later than 6:00.
Whatever your boundaries are, define them for yourself But be careful not to set boundaries that conflict with the ordinary duties of your job. A tradeshow coordinator, for example, can't realistically refuse to travel to tradeshows.
Once you set boundaries, let people know when they're asking too much. Epstein advises working parents to make very clear, measurable requests from whoever is pushing your boundaries. A co-worker who says, "I'll call you at home later tonight to discuss this project," can simply be told, "Please don't call me after 6:00 p.m.
Natalie Gahrmann, president of N-R-G Associates, who coaches professionals through work/life issues, agrees. Gahrmann suggests telling whoever is overstepping your boundaries how it's impacting your job. For example, when you hand off this report to me at the last minute, I'm not able to focus on closing my monthly accounts. I'm losing commission and the company is losing sales.
The right way to say no
Epstein says there is a right way and a wrong way to say no. The worst way the passive aggressive method - taking on too many projects and just not doing them. "I think this can be very problematic because it's seen as not performing," Epstein says. "A 'no' needs to be very explicit."
How do you know when to say no? Gahrmann recommends creating a list of priorities to help you see what's truly important - then saying no to everything else that doesn't fit. "Without limits it becomes very difficult to say no to requests and honor your own needs."
Ask for what you need
When you're nearing your workload limit, enlist the help of supervisors, coworkers and subordinates. "Many of us simply don't ask for what we want out of shyness or fear of not getting what we want or out of a sense of duty to blindly serve," Epstein says.
If you need additional staff or an assistant to help you manage your growing workload, present your boss with the problem and the solution. Keep it straight and to the point, "This is the issue, this is why I need help, and here's what I propose we do to get the extra help." An overwhelming workload could mean an understaffed department.
The bottom line
Through the boundary setting process, both work/life specialists believe a flexible attitude is essential. "You're both on the same team trying to accomplish the day to day tasks at your work," Epstein says. If you're willing to work late during occasional crunch times, chances are your employer will be more receptive to letting you leave early for an occasional school play.
Whatever your boundaries are, work together with your employer to achieve the balance you need to be a successful parent and employee. If you try one thing and it doesn't work, don't give up - be creative and try something else.
But here's the bottom line: "Your employer thinks in terms of its issues, its goals and its needs," Epstein says. "Only you are the expert on your issues, goals and needs. Nobody's going to come to you with solutions so it's incumbent upon you to make your life the way you want it."
Tips for setting boundaries
- Focus on solutions, not problems.
Come up with solutions that work for both you and your employer.
- Do, dump, delegate.
Gahrmann recommends taking one of these action steps to help you set boundaries and manage an overwhelming workload.
- Don't get emotional
If you're on edge - wait until you're calm to approach your boss or coworkers "Set your boundaries in a neutral, comfortable way," Epstein says.
- Don't expect special treatment - earn it.
If you're a valued employee with a long list of accomplishments, your supervisor is more likely to give you flexibility and respect your boundaries.
- Relax your standards.
"Give yourself permission to relax some of your standards that tinker on the brim of perfectionism," Gahrmann says.
- Find a family-friendly employer.
Try to find a company whose culture, benefits, and company policy are supportive of working parents.
Katrina Katsarelis is a freelance writer based in Houston, Texas.
